


Just...not meant to be.

by EmberTiger98



Category: Dumbo (2019)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Broken Dreams, Drama, F/M, Family Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Married Life, Miscarriage, Pregnancy, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:01:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23216665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmberTiger98/pseuds/EmberTiger98
Summary: Happy news arrive on the Medici Circus for Ivan and Catherine. But like life itself, some things end in a very unpredictable way.
Relationships: Ivan the Wonderful| Catherine the Greater
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	Just...not meant to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Another minific for the Dumbo fandom. In the novelization of the movie there is a small chapter dedicated to Ivan and Catherine, and that's where I've got the inspiration. I hope you enjoy it :)

_**New Orleans, Luisiana 1915** _

It were the last days of February on the city of New Orleans, everyone in the Medici Bros. Circus were wishing the Winter comes to an end. The snow had fell with more strength that year, some shows had to be cancelled much to Max desesperation. He blamed the weather and radio for the lack of money he gets for the tickets he sells around those years. Nevertheless, he and his troupe always managed this kind of situations.

But the situation that no one saw coming then it was happening on Ivan and Catherine's tent. The spanish magician had a hand on his forehead, open-mouthed and looking at his wife's joyful expression. Catherine clasped her hands in front of her lips which formed the biggest smile her husband has ever seen, making him, three seconds later, smile with the same intensity.

"Are you...sure, _mi amor?"_ Ivan asked not believing what Cat just told him.

Catherine walked towards her husband, resting her hands on his shoulders, showing happy tears on her eyes, "I've never been more sure in my life, my dear." she breathed, "I should've my period weeks ago, but I haven't, three weeks missing my period, you know this is true. My body had the symptoms, dizziness, headaches, I have even fainted last Tuesday, remember?" she stated.

"So..." Ivan mumbled.

Cat nodded "My love...I'm pregnant".

Ivan exhaled a laugh, hugged his wife, carried her and swiped her around. The magician couple laughed like they've never laughed before. It's been years since they had this news, _years_ since they almost made it, years since the dream of being parents was present in their lives. No, it has _always_ been present, they had always wanted to have a child since the day they got married. The had tried and tried _so_ many times that they lost count; and they barely made it... _three_ times, three moments of hope and all of them lost. Ivan and Catherine went through three miscarriages before joining the circus, they thought that their new job with the Medici troupe, outside of having the job of their lives, would make them forget the pain of not having children. In a way, it didn't worked, because their friends, Holt and Annie, started to have their own children: Milly and Joe. But they didn't blame them, not at all.

Those two beautiful kids melted Ivan and Cat's hearts with their laughs and gentle souls, they saw them born and grow in the circus, watching them running around the tents playing. Every time Holt and Annie had to give their act on the ring, the two little Farriers stayed with Catherine and Ivan, they always willingly go volunteers to take care of them without hesitation. Even when the Stallion Stars asked another memeber of the circus, the spanish-american duo left what they were doing and asked if they could watch over them instead, even if it was for a couple of minutes. The magician and his beautiful assistant cared for Milly and Joe as their own. Annie and Holt knew how much the magicians loved their kids and how hard it was for them not being able to have one. Apparently, until that day, it _won't_ be like that anymore.

Ivan put Cat down and kissed her passionately on the lips and then he filled her whole face with more kisses, _"Oh amor mio, amor mio._ I love you so much! Now we have to be careful and... is better not have our hopes up so soon" Ivan responded giving his partner a worried look. "We don't know what is going to happen, _mi sol eterno"._

"Ivan please, this is something wonderful that is happening now, don't worry about the future"

"But, but if it…" Ivan sighed "I'm as happy as you are, _mi amor,_ I really am. But we already have been in this circumstances and I don't want you to get upset… like the _other_ times." he sadly confessed.

Catherine cupped her beloved's cheek and whispered "And I don't want you to get upset either, darling. We both lost babies, the _both_ of us! Now, only time and God will tell our fate" she held Ivan's face "We are going to do this, together, come what may." she kissed him deeply. Ivan kissed her back cupping her own face. When they parted Ivan nervously giggled and suddenly his eyes beamed, "Hey, I'm going to tell the rest. I'm so excited _mi amor,_ I cannot handle it!" Ivan rushed outside his tent screaming the good news. Leaving Catherine inside laughing at her husband's excitement.

"I'm gonna to be a _papá, amigos!_ I'm gonna be a father!!!" Ivan yelled happilly running to each of his friend's tents, leaving footprints in the snow. "This is the happiest day of my life, _alavado sea Diós!!"._

"Ivan, what is all this yelling about?!" Max yelled from his cart.

"I'm going to be a father, Max! Catherine is pregnant!" Ivan kept running.

Max was dumbfounded from what he heard, "You _what?!_ Hey, come here!" but soon after the ringmaster grinned feeling happy for his friend, denying with his head he said "Well...another kid in the way. Who would've guessed?"

Rongo and Puck came out of their tents wearing handmade coats "What did you said, Ivan? You're going to be a dad?" Rongo asked with an amused look.

Ivan ran towards the strong man and the organ grinder showing his teeth in a smile _"Sí!_ Can you belive it _colegas?!"_ he grabbed Puck's shoulders and started to eagerly shake him off, "I'm _so_ excited I think I'm going to explode!!! Oh! I have to tell Holt and Annie!" Ivan said letting Puck go of his grip leaving the organ grinder a bit deezy.

"I've never seen him so happy Rongo. You think he's going to be like this the rest of the day?" Puck asked the strong man shaking his head.

"I think he's going to be like this until the baby is born" Rongo responded crossing his arms grinning at the spanish man's bliss.

Ivan rushed to the Farrier's tent where Holt came out with a face full of curiousity "Ivan what happened? Did I just heard---" Holt replied but Ivan interrupted him.

"What you heard _mi amigo!_ Catherine and I we are expecting a baby!" Ivan squeeled.

Holt rose his eyebrows _"Holy cow!_ You serious?!"

" _What_ is serious?" Annie came outside too a bit puzzled.

"It's Ivan my love, he's going to be a poppa" Holt smiled at his wife.

Annie's eyes widened "Oh my God, congratulations Ivan!!!" she hugged her friend rapidly.

_"Gracias amigos_ , now I'll tell Penny and the others right now because I'm freezing here!!" Ivan said trembling from the cold and rushed where Penny was.

Holt and Annie laughed at their friend's over the top excitement, then, Annie grabbed her scarf and stepped outside "I'll go to congratulate Catherine, she's has to be full of joy too". Holt nodded at her and passed a hand through his hair. Suddenly he heard Milly's voice.

"What happened, dad?" the 8 year old asked. Then, Joe joined the conversation as well "Where's momma going, daddy?" the 4 year old said with eyes of curiousity.

Holt turned around and knelt in front of his kids, resting a hand on Milly's right shoulder and the other hand on Joe's left one. He smiled at them, "Your momma went to congratulate Catherine, my little foals, because something beautiful happened". he breathed.

"What?" asked Milly with intrigue.

"Well...Ivan and Cat will have a baby, and they're very happy about it".

Joe and Milly's eyes opened like plates, so as their mouths, "A _baby_ daddy? For real?!" Milly exclaimed joyfully.

"Yes my children, you'll have a new friend to play with and we're going to help Ivan and Cat with it" Holt caressed his children's hair. "Are you happy too?"

Milly nodded fast smiling "Yes! I'm so happy. And for them too!"

"And you Joe?" Holt said to his son.

"Yes!...I want to see the baby. Where is it?" Joe naively added, making Holt chukle.

"Joe, the baby is not born yet, you silly." Milly replied, rolling her eyes.

Holt, Milly and Joe laughed and hugged each other. Later that day, the Farrier children rushed to the magicians tent to give them lots of hugs and kisses, saying they can't wait to have their cousin to by their side.

Catherine and Ivan couldn't wait either, the entire situation felt so surreal and extraordinary that sometimes they felt that this wasn't real. But it was, it completely was, soon, their dream will come true after all those years.

**~~\-----------------------------------------------------~~**

_**Three months later...** _

The circus train was in complete movement, going through the rails passing by the fields of Texas. The frozen days finally ended and summer was staring to feel more and more, a pretty afternoon no doubts.

Inside Ivan and Catherine's cart the couple was staring the road throgh their windows how the sun was setting, now that they were more close to the summer days, the sun took its time to vanish from their glances a bit more. Ivan turned to see his wife who looked back at him, sitting in one chair caressing her stomach, which grew a little during the last few months.

Ivan the Wonderful smiled warmly at her and went over his wife, kneeling beside her and resting his hand on her belly trying to feel their small baby.

"I felt it moved hours ago, it'll move again I'm sure" Catherine said resting her hand on her husband's "Travelling calms him I guess."

"Yes, probably," Ivan caressed Cat's belly once more "Our baby will be a tiger, _amor mio"_ he said with glee.

"Or... a _tigress_ " Catherine winked an eye at him. The couple laughed and kissed eachother sweetly. Then, Ivan rose up and went to chek on his stuff for the next act they were going to have, his back facing his wife.

_"Mi amor_ , do you think our baby will love magic like us? Because I would love to teach him or her some tricks!" he said with pride.

"Our child will be what he or she wants to be my dear. But who knows? Maybe it'll be a great wizard, or maybe, even better than me...or _you."_ Cat giggled.

Ivan turned back and gave his wife a teasing look, turning to organize his props again "You say that now, _pícara,_ but the child will see, she or he'll see, that magic is not easy task. It may think this is a game, but he or she'll see that is impossible to defeat the master! _Ivan the Wonderful!"_ he made a gesture with his hand.

Catherine laughed loudly at Ivan's commentary, sometimes she forgets how funny he could be and that makes her think on how fortunate their child will be for having him as a dad. However, out of nowhere, she felt something weird in her stomach, a sudden pain which stoped her from keep laughing. She quikly put her hands on her belly and massaged it, _What was that?_ she thought. Then, the pain returned with more harshness making Cat flinch and grunt.

Ivan, who listened the sudden change of sound of his beloved, turned around and saw her with with a puzzled look, "Catherine? _Sol mio_ , are you ok?" he walked towards her.

"I don't know Ivan, I felt--arghh!" Catherine cried in pain grabbing her stomach. Ivan instantly touched it with his hand and grabbed his wife's shoulder with his other hand. _"Mi amor!_ What is it?!" he said alarmed.

Cat looked at him in the eyes, grunting through her teeth "Is-is the baby...it hurts...something's wrong...call...a...doctor!..." with that, Catherine fall forward, but Ivan quickly caught her, putting her back resting on the back of the chair, " _Please_ Ivan...call a doctor, I'm scared…".

Ivan was appaled and frightened for his wife and baby's life, so he immediatly ran away, opened their cart's door, not minding the train was moving, he jumped to the next cart, opened its door and ran through it to do the same with the next one. His heart was beating desperately in his chest, his blood running in his veins and sweat falling from his face, he needed to rech Max's cart so he can convince him to stop the train and get Catherine a doctor. Some members of the troupe watched Ivan jumping on cart and cart, but when they asked him what was wrong, he ignored them, his mind was focussed only on Catherine and his child.

Finally, Ivan jumped and knocked eagerly on Max's door, grabbing tightly on the moving train outside. When Max opened the door the wind cought him off guard, making fly his hat. "Ivan!! What is going on?!"

"MAX STOP THIS DAMN TRAIN, _AHORA!!!"_ Ivan screamed hyperventilated due to the strong noise of the locomotovie and his wife's state.

"Why?!" Max was worried once he looked Ivan's expression.

"IS CATHERINE...SHE NEEDS A DOCTOR! PLEASE! STOP THIS TRAIN, _COÑO!!!"_

Max's eyes opened in alarm and spoke "I'll tell the conductor to stop and...we'll call a doctor as soon as we reach the station, calm down, Ivan!" he assured.

Ivan nodded "Please Max... I think the baby is in danger..." he breathed and rushed back to his beloved.

Max sighed with impotence and went to the conductor's place. He told him to stop althoug the conductor said, "But the next stop is not our stop, sir" but the ringmaster grabbed his arm saying, "This...is an emergency, a matter of life or _death!"_ Max glared at him. With that, the train conductor started to turn off the fire of the coal, and within a few minutes, the transport began to slow down little by little.

Because the Farriers's cart was behind the spanish-american couple one, they didn't knew that Ivan was running through the locomotive to reach Max who was in front of the rest. The only odd thing they've noticed was the train stopping. "What is going on?" Holt questioned "We are slowing down now? We haven't arrived yet" the cowboy looked at the windows then at his wife.

"Maybe there's something wrong with the train. I don't think is something bad, babe." Annie said with Joe on her lap, sleeping with his head on her chest.

"Yeah, I'll check it out what is happening---" Holt stoped talking when Puck opened their front door, his face showed agitation.

"Puck! What is happenin'?" Holt asked rising up from his chair "Why did we stop?"

"The thing is, is Catherine...she doesn't feel right...she's in pain. It may be the baby!" Puck exclaimed.

Holt and Annie exchanged concerned looks with widened eyes, then looked at the organ grinder "What?! What happened to her?!" Annie asked holding her son tight.

"I don't know the details, but they'll call a doctor to check her out." Puck closed the door and headed back at his cart.

Holt sighed frowning his eyebrows in worry, so as his wife who rose up from where she was sitting with Joe still on her arms. She walked towards her husband and gently leaned on him resting her head on his heart. He circled his arms around Annie and his boy.

Then Milly who was sleeping on a couch, started to talk."Mom? Dad? What did we stop?" she said rubbing her eyes.

Holt turned his head to see his daughter approaching them, he picked her up and confessed, "We had to make an emergency stop, it'll be for a couple of minutes. It's probably nothing my girl." Holt assured her kissing her forehead.

~~**\------------------------------------------------------**~~

When the train finally stoped, Max and Rongo hop off of the train, went to the train station to phone a doctor. The nearest one they could find said he'll be there as fast as he could, suddenly Ivan join them having running to reach them.

"So? Did you find a doctor?!" Ivan desperately exhaled.

"Yes, calm down" Rongo told the spanish man "he'll be here in a couple of minutes."

"I can't wait _minutes!_ Neither can Catherine!!" the mage passed his hands on his hair franticaly.

"Hey, calm down! We're doing the best we can, we're trying to help you!!" Max raised his hands.

Ivan bowed his head in exhaustation,"I'm sorry _amigos_ ,...I'm _so_ desperate..."

Rongo and Max patted Ivan's back and the three gentleman headed back to their transport.

A few minutes later, the troupe put Ivan and Catherine's tent up, so she could have privacy and all the confort she needed. The magician opened his cart's wooden side door, walking on a entrance ramp, Ivan saw Cat lying down on a small couch, she looked weak and tired.

"Catherine? _Mi sol eterno?"_ Ivan replied worried "The doctor will be here in a couple of minutes, how do you feel?"

Catherine turned her head to see her partner and mumbled, "Sweetheart..." she tried to sat up "...I don't...I-I don't..."

"You don't _'what'_ "? Ivan rushed to her side when she sat up.

The magician's assistant grabbed Ivan's chest and with tired eyes she said, "...the-the baby... I don't _feel_...the _baby."_ and all of the sudden Catherine fainted abruptally in the spanish man's arms.

Ivan, totally alarmed, caught Cat and lifted her in his arms, "Cat? Cat?!! _Mi amor, no!!!_ Hold on please!"

Suddenly Rongo showed up, "Ivan! The doctor is here---" the strong man was appaled by what he was looking at the momento. "Ivan, what is wrong with her…?"

Ivan turned around, carrying an unconcious Catherine in his embrace and tears in his eyes, "Rongo, take her please...you're stronger and faster than me.." Ivan responded

weakly.

The strong man nodded and took the fainted woman in his arms, taking her to her tent. Everyone in the circus was watching how Rongo was carrying Catherine, she wasn't moving or awake. Ivan descended slowly from his cart, his jaw clutching and breath speeding up. Then, he felt his left hand was a bit sticky, he rose it up only to find that his left hand was stained with blood. His eyes were full in terror at such sight, _This blood is from...Catherine?_ he thought with fright. His body started to tremble and the whole world for him was beggining to spun around in an incredible speed.

**~~\-----------------------------------------------------~~**

_**An hour and a half later...** _

The Medici Circus gang were waiting and waiting for the doctor's diagnosis, some were sitting kniting their costumes, a few decided to walk a little because of the long trip, while others stood close to Catherine's tent and make sure she or the doctor needed something. Even so, neither of them came out of the carp, for almost two hours they stayed inside, with no news whatsoever, making everyone even more concerned… especially Ivan.

The magician was pacing around back and forth around his friends, his red shirt was already covered in sweat and he untied his handkerchief from his neck so he could dry his forehead. Ivan's breath speeded up and slowed down each minute that passed, he wanted to distract himself from the situation looking at the stars of the nightsky and get lost staring at the moonlight. But it was useless; the sight of Catherine fainting in his hold, the look on her eyes and her blood in his hand, which he washed up minutes ago, yet he still felt the warmth and the stickiness of it on his skin... Why this was happening to him? To them? _When will this nightmare stop?_

All of the sudden, the doctor came out of the tent, taking his gloves off, "Excuse me, who is Ivan from all of you?" the medic asked.

The troupe reacted at the medic's voice and the ones who were sitting down stood up quickly. Ivan, by hearing his name, walked towards the doctor almost running and tried not to pant so he could speak clearly. "It's-it's me, I'm Ivan and the woman you were seeing is my wife, _¿como está ella?_ How is she?"

The doctor with a look of lament in his face, he placed his hand on Ivan's shoulder and said, "I want to speak to you... _alone_. Can we?"

"Ahhmm...sure" Ivan replied confused.

Both gentleman walked away from the gang, leaving them concerned since they still didn't know what was going on. Ivan and the doctor walked until they reached a private place near the train. Then, Ivan started to talk.

"Doctor _please_... tell me the truth... _how_ is my wife? How is...the baby?" the spanish man asked with fear.

The medic took his glasses off sighing and talked, "Your wife will be fine, she's resting at the moment and she needs to keep doing it until tomorrow like much. She had lost a lot of blood---"

_"Sí_ , yes, I've found blood in my hand," Ivan was becoming nervous, "Why she was bleeding, doctor?" for some reason, Ivan wanted and not wanted to know the answer. If it was _the truth_ he was thinking it at the moment... he would close his eyes shot and never open them up.

The doctor sighed again and bit his lip, "I've heard that...your wife had three miscarriages, sir..."

"Doctor, why she was bleeding?!" Ivan's tears began to appear, crawling in his eyes.

"Calm down---"

"I don't want to calm down! Just tell me why Catherine was bleading... _Why_ did you mention our lost babies? _Why_ did you mention her miscarriages?" the magician was hyperventilating.

The doctor bowed his head, intertwined his hands and looked at the eyes of Ivan again. His glance was mournful.

Ivan shrugged and blinked, his mouth was trembling and a teardrop fell from his cheek. Then, he denyied with his head, "No...no... did...did the baby?.. _.No,_ please no."

"I'm so sorry, sir... but the baby couldn't make it." the doctor's voice was stern, "The baby _died_. Some women can't hold pregnancies, and after losing so many like your partner...it could turn out something very dangerous for her. I'm so sorry." the doctor said with pure regret and sadness.

Ivan felt his world crumbled into pieces, feeling how each piece smashing on the cold ground hurted his heart. His hands formed into fists, pressing hard on his palms. He closed his eyes tight and tried to repressed his sobs.

"Sir, I know this is hard for both of you, I think you should tell your wife as soon as she wakes up." the doctor suggested with an empathic glance.

Ivan took a deep breath and wipped his mouth "Very well…" his tone sound like it was shaking "...thank you doctor...you can go now." Ivan sniffed.

"I am _really_ sorry, sir---"

"Please… _go."_ the magician guided the way to the medic with his hand, not looking at him.

"Excuse me." with that the doctor began to walk away to find Max and tell him in person the unfortunate news. Leaving Ivan alone, blinking eagerly at the sky and inhaling sharply. The spanish mage walked where his friends were waiting.

~~**\--------------------------------------------------------**~~

"How _long_ this is gonna take?" Holt protested, leaning on his cart outside with arms crossed.

"Patience, darling," Annie assured her husband "Catherine is in a more serious state than we thought."

The cowboy exhaled through his nose "I know that Annie, the thing which bothers me is that we don't have any news from what is happenin'. We're waiting here all worried for her and the baby. Two hours and still nothin'? Ain't this weird?".

"Yes, it _is_ weird, but what else we can do Holt?" Annie caressed her partner's arm.

"I'm sure Catherine was just stressed out," Miss Atlantis exclaimed "after all, it was a long ride from Louisiana till here. This was one of our longest travels."

"She's right." Puck agreed, with Barrymore in his shoulder "Maybe she's just tired and probably her pressure dropped. Things that happen during pregnancy, I guess" the organ grinder looked at Annie.

Annie nodded, "It could've happened, I've felt deezy sometimes when I was pregnant of Joe and Milly. I have also have fainted. But I don't know, this is taking _hours_."

"That's what I'm saying." Holt replied "I have a bad feeling 'bout this babe." he hugged Annie with his left arm.

On the spur of the moment, Ivan arrived at his friend's circle. Everyone instantly looked at him with expectations of what had happened.

"Ivan! What did the doctor told you?" Puck asked anxious.

"Is everything ok, pal?" Holt said directly at the mage. But the spanish man wasn't speaking.

"Wait my friends!" Pramesh interveened "Let him talk. Take your time Ivan, just tell us how is everything with Catherine and your baby." the snake charmer stood beside the mage but still, there wasn't an answer. The magician's eyes seemed lost and his jaw twiched a little.

The gang was becoming even more worried for their friend; he was not talking or making any gesture to indicate something good has happened. Suddenly, he decided to mumble some words.

"It's-it's g-gone…" Ivan whispered.

Holt rised an eyebrow "What? What did you say?"

Ivan inhaled slowly and talked a bit louder "Is gone, _amigos_...is gone." he sniffed.

_"Gone?"_ Annie asked with a hand in her heart. The mention of that word made everybody alarmed.

"Our baby, yes, we lost him. Cat was bleeding because...our child died." Ivan clasped his hands and sealing his lips tightly.

Penny and Annie gasped while the men opened their eyes in shock.

"What?!" Puck exclaimed appaled "He died?!"

"But how? Just like that?" Rongo added.

Ivan nodded, "I guess, after all this years, is a fact... Cat and I cannot have children. _Nuestro hijo._..died because, my wife couldn't hold him anymore...in part because she'd lost so many _crios_ in the past," the spanish man started to pant, his shoulders shaking "but is ok _amigos_. We…will be fine..."

_"Fine?"_ Holt questioned "Ivan, are you sure? 'Cause you _don't_ look fine."

_"Sí_ Holt, we'll be fine 'cause we've been through this three-no, _four_ times, how stupid of me!" Ivan smacked his forehead tears started to show in his eyes, "How stupid of me to think...this time would be _different_. We brought an innocent child...to only lost him in the end."

Holt sighed, glancing at his friend, "Ivan, you're not fine, and this is not your---"

"I SAID I WAS FINE, _HOSTIA!!!"_ Ivan yelled at his friends, teardrps falling from his face.

Holt and the rest stepped back at their friend's response, but they didn't blame him for feeling like he was feeling, he had lost his child after all.

Ivan wipped harshly his tears and rested his hands on his hips, "I'm sorry… but believe me, we'll be fine, we're used to this, no? I knew it was stupid to have our hopes up."

"But Ivan…" Penny walked towards him, dragging her mermaid costume, "You don't have to pretend that everything is fine now. No one is making you."

"But I have to Penny. " Ivan answered "What is the use to lament our child's death? It won't make us feel better." he sniffed hardly.

"Maybe," Pramesh put his hand on the mage's shoulder "however you have a big angst inside you, is better to let go of your pain instead repressing it. It will hurt your heart horribly Ivan and you know it."

Ivan breathed even more harshly and blinked rapidly; his nose pursed and pressed his teeth with all his strength. "Perhaps you're right Pramesh…the only thing I know is true...is that I'm _not_ born to be a _papá,_ I just...don't deserved it."

"Don't say those things of you, Ivan" Annie said with sadness "You _do_ deserve to be a father, this was just an accident. Is not your foult."

The magician's tears fell like waterfalls, "But… it doesn't matter now, right?" But how…" then he started to cry loudly "How did everything went to hell?!! _Mierda!!!"_

Quickly, Pramesh gave Ivan a tight embrace. The spanish mage buried his face in the snake charmer's shoulder and gripped his fingers strongly in his back. Ivan's sobs were uncontrollable with pure agony comig out from his lungs.

The circus gang started to tear up a little as well, Holt walked towards Ivan and patted his back, "Let it out pal, we are here for you."

"Holt is right, you and Catherine don't have to deal with this alone." Annie rested her palm on Ivan's hand.

Penny, Puck, Rongo and Arav gathered around, encircling Ivan, giving a strong grupe hug. Annie and Holt joined the embrace too, each member hold Ivan with all the contention they could've give him. The mage kept weeping, if he wasn't choking up with his cries, he would've thank his friend for their support, but for two or three minutes, not word came from Ivan's mouth.

Then, what it seemed like hours of despair, it finally broke when Ivan decided to speak, still his face buried on Pramesh's chest, "How...I'm going to tell this...to _her?"_ he loudly sniffed, _"How_ am I going to tell Catherine?!!" the magician screamed.

Pramesh patted the back of the magician's head, "You'll find a way, my friend. You'll find a way".

Everyone stood where they where, hugging Ivan and giving him pats on his back, assuring him that everything will be alright.

~~**\-----------------------------------------------------** ~~

_**Midnight...** _

Catherine was lying on her bed sleeping, inside the tent, the only light there was a gas lamp. The Circus troupe decided to stay where they stoped just for the night, and then the next they could go. Nevertheless, because of the unfortunate news, Max said that their next show will be cancelled. Also, Catherine and her husband had the option of not performing as long as they feel better. Of course, that could take days, or even months.

Ivan stood in the tent entrance staring at his wife, waiting her for wake up. The guilt devour him like maggots, his heart was ingured every time it pumped, like there was a barbed wire pressing it. His chest hurted with every breath he took, he felt his lungs inhaled and exhaled dust and dirt. How the words will come out of his mouth? How he'll tell her the truth?

Suddenly, Catherine started to wake up, she rubbed her eyes and sighed with fatigue. At the speed of light, Ivan went to her side, kneeling on the left side of the bed, he held her left hand and squeezed it.

"My love…" she whispered.

_"Shhh,_ gently _amor_ _mio_ , gently." Ivan softly replied.

Catherine looked directly and her sight became clearer; she smiled at him. Thing which gave more guilt to Ivan.

"What happened my dear? What happened to me?" Catherine asked oblivious.

Ivan bit his lip, "You fainted, you've also… felt pains in your stomach, remember?"

"Yes I remember, but the baby, the baby is ok _,_ right? This was just...a scare, nothing _awful_ , wasn't it my love?"

The spanish man felt his eyes watery once more, he desperately kissed Cat's hand and rested it in his cheek. Those gestures confused Catherine.

"My love?" the magician's assistant wanted her husband to speak "What is going on? Is… the baby _ok?"_

Ivan lifted his head which showed tears of sorrow, his mouth quivered but the words won't came out.

Catherine's tears began to show as well and her smile vanished, her husband's expression seemed to tell her what she had heard before...three times...years ago. "Ivan… is the baby... is-is he... did-did we…" she mumbled almost sobbing.

Ivan nodded, "The baby... , _yes_ ,... we……. we lost him." his whole body trembled, his voice was craking.

Catherine gasped and shook her head; is like a somone threw her an arrow on the middle of her chest, her brown eyes were filled with burning tears.

"No, no, no!!! _NO!!!"_ Cat screamed, clunching her fists in her temples, _"My baby_.... my little baby...My child, no, he could not have died!!!" she said with her hand on her belly, crying desperately.

Ivan rushed to hug her tightly despite her arms tried to wipped him out at first, his hold was firm and he didn't dare to let her go. Both stayed together, handled the pain together, crying together, they only had eachother. They've been in this situation many times before, but, why this one hurts the most? Is it because this pregnancy lasted three months? Because the other miscarriages only lasted barely one month and this one gave them more hope? They didn't know, but now they had to contain one another and move on… although, this time seemed harder.

~~**\--------------------------------------------------------**~~

_**12:45 pm...** _

Holt and Annie returned to their cart to be with their children, the whole thing with Ivan and Catherine's lost child punched them to the core.

"Mommy, Daddy, what happened?" Milly asked worried.

Joe, who was sleeping, woke up at the sound of his sister's voice, "Mom, Dad...where are we? Are we there yet?"

Holt took a deep breath and picked Joe up, he took him outside, Holt sat on a box on the grass and sat Joe in his lap. Whilst Annie sat on the edge of their train cart, Milly join her sitting next to her with her father and brother in front of them. The warm breeze of late spring was enough to calm the sadness that the Stallion Stars were having, still, the atmosphere felt so heavy that was choking them.

Then, Holt started to talk, "My foals...we are stayin' for the night here and...there won't be show next week."

"Why?" Milly said curious.

Holt looked at Annie, she understood his sign. "My children, we're staying here because, Catherine doesn't feel well, neither does Ivan." Annie stated.

Joe glanced over his father, "Are they sick?" the boy asked.

Holt sighed, taking off his hat "Well, kind of, but is mostly Catherine, she had...tummy aches."

"Tummy aches?" Joe repeated.

"And...more" Holt finished.

"What more?" Milly wanted to know what was happening.

"Milly, Joe..." Annie gulped, "Catherine lost her baby."

Both Farrier children's eyes widened, _"What?!_ She lost her baby?! Milly exclaimed worried, "How it happened?"

"It was an accident Milly, it _just_ happened, that's it" Holt told his daughter.

"The baby is lost, daddy? Where is it?" Joe asked, the 4 year old didn't understand.

Holt inhaled deeply and caressed the boy's head, "The baby is nowhere, Joe. He...he died, my son, the baby died, that's why Ivan and Catherine do not feel well."

The boy's eyebrows arched in worry, "But _why_ …? Why my cousin die...?" his tiny lips mumbled a bit.

Annie hugged tighter Milly, "Your father said it my love...it was an accident. These things happen, is normal."

"No, is _not_ normal momma," Milly looked at Annie, with a teardrop on her cheek, "a baby can't die just like that, is it?"

"I'm so sorry my dear, but some women lost their babies on her bellies. But is no one's foult." Annie kissed Milly's head.

Holt kissed Joe's forehead and asked him, "Joe, my boy, are you ok?"

Joe stood up, leaving his father's lap, "No! I want my cousin back, this is not fair!" the kid ran and went inside the cart.

"Joe wait!" Holt yelled.

"Leave him, Holt. He's upset, it has been a hard night for everyone" Annie responded to her husband.

Milly stood up as well, "Joe is right, this isn't fair."

"Milly, of course this ain't fair, but there's nothing we can do." Holt stated, "Now, we have to be for Ivan and Catherine, they are very sad at the moment." He caressed the 8 year old girl's head.

"Where is Ivan, babe?" Annie asked.

Holt sighed, "He's walking around, encircling the train, copin' with his sorrows in the way he can."

"And Catherine?" Milly questined her parents.

"She's in her tent, resting, that's all" Annie assured her.

Milly leaned her head to see her brother in the backround, sitting on the wooden ground weeping in silence. He looked back at his sister and suddenly both siblings felt that the same idea crossed their minds.

"Mom, Dad, can I ask you a favor?" Milly suggested.

"Anything, suparplum" Holt listened.

~~**\----------------------------------------------**~~

Ivan was encircling his own cart, over, and over, and over again. Tapping the wood sometimes with his hand and tried so hard to supress his sobs. He felt so lost that he didn't even knew if he was dead or alive, in heaven or hell, he was in a void.

This habit of surrounding his cart distract him so much that he didn't noticed the little girl approaching him. "Ivan?"

The magician turned around and found Milly standing in one place near the cart, she had her hands behind her back.

"Oh! Milly, _mija_ , what-what are you doing here?" Ivan wipped away a tear with his sleeve.

"I wanted to see you, mom and dad told me that your baby... died"

Ivan approached the Farrier girl and knelt in front of her, _"Sí_...is true, Cat and I lost our baby. But we will be fine, _niña_ , don't worry about us." he rested a hand on Milly's arm.

"Are you _sure?_ Because you don't look fine to me. Ivan… you're crying, there's tears in your eyes" the girl pointed out with her finger the evidence.

The spanish mage exhaled a tiny laugh and passed his hand through his hair, "Yeah, I'm not a good actor, huh?" then, he looked directly at the girl's eyes. "Ay, _mija_ , you're right, I'm sad, Catherine too but… these things do happen. I know how happy you and your brother were to have a cousin…" Ivan sniffed, "I'm sorry for disappont you."

"You were happy too Ivan, don't worry about me or Joe, this was _your_ baby. I believe...you would've been a great poppa." Milly gave him a small smile.

Ivan smiled back at her, with tears still in his eyes. "Thank you _chiquita_ , you're so sweet…" he quietly sobbed, bowing his head a bit.

"Here," Milly grabbed from her pocket of her lavander dress a hanky and handed it to him, "you can have it."

Ivan gently took the hanky and dryed with it his tears, " _Gracias_ _mi_ _niña_ , you know… if I had a daughter… I wish she was was like _you_." he said softly cupping Milly's cheek.

"Thank you Ivan, for saying that." Milly grinned, her own tears started to fall slowly "There's anything I can do?"

Ivan sighed, "I don't know, Milly. These are things that no one can fix, don't worry."

Milly looked down and then up at the mage, pursing her lips, "A hug would help?" she offered.

The mage formed a small but sincere smile "Ay Milly, of course, come here _mija_ …" Ivan opened his arms and received Milly in a strong embrace. The little girl rested her right cheek on the spanish man's shoulder, while he passed his fingers through her chocolate locks. "Oh Milly, please don't disappear _chiquita_...don't disappear."

Milly giggled a bit, "But Ivan, _you_ can only do that."

Ivan slowly moved away and looked at the girl with a puzzled face, "What? Why would I _want_ that? What are you saying _niña?"_

"Because you're the _magician_ , only you can make things disappear and appear, remember?" Milly smiled at him.

Ivan sighed in relief laughing, "Oh! That! Yes, that is true Milly, if only.... I can make appear my baby again...for Cat."

Milly gave him an empathic glance and hugged him once more, he returned the hug and looked up at the stars like he did hours ago. He closed his eyes and exhaled a breath, it was a breath of relieve, because at least, there was people who cared for him and his wife. There he was, with this brilliant, gentle girl in his arms, giving him what he always got from her and her family: love. All the love he received from Milly and Joe was the best bliss he could ever wish for. He was greatful, he really was.

Ivan moved away again and with Milly's hanky, wipped away her own tears. The spanish man and the girl smiled at eachother. Suddenly, Ivan picked her up and pointed at the sky with his eyes, "The stars are pretty, aren't they _mija?"._

**~~\--------------------------------------------------~~**

Meanwhile, in the magician's tent, Catherine was sat up on her bed with her gas lamp still on. The light reflect of the small flame inside the cristal gave a warm golden color in th interior of the white cloth of the tent. But the only thing the magician's assistant was feeling was something cold, empty and filled with unhappiness, consuming her like a black hole. Black darkness in her womb where her baby once was; it wasn't like they took a piece of living flesh from her, they took a part of her heart and soul she was building with love and care.

The woman had in her hands a pair of white baby clothes, a onesie she knitted herself, the color was white since they couldn't know the baby's gender. The onesie was lying in her lap while Catherine was caressing it with her thumbs, a teardrop splashed on the clothes. Cat's eyes felt so tired of crying that now the tears came by themselves, her eyes which had bags under them kept staring at the white clothing until she heard somone opening the carp entrance.

"Catherine?" a young voice called her.

Cat turned her head in allert, only to find Joe standing meters from her, the little boy walked towards the woman, "Oh, Joe, my dear, what are you doing here?" she asked, using her fingers to wip away a tear bellow her left eye and trying to give her best smile.

Joe looked at the onesie, "Was that for your baby?"

"Yes..." Catherine sighed, "It was _supposed_ to, but…"

"He...died. Mom and Dad said so. Is it true?" the 4 year old boy frowned his eyebrows.

Catherine bit her lip, she patted with her hand the bed so Joe could sit. The boy obeyed and sat on Cat's left side looking attentively at her.

"Is true, my dear," she sniffed a bit "He... or she… is gone."

Joe leaned his little hand on her belly, "He's not there anymore, he....disappeared...like magic, right?" he commented with pure innocence.

Catherine nodded, clutching the baby clothes tightly on her grip, she rested her palm on Joe's hand gingerly, "Yes... like _magic."_

The kid glanced over at Catherine's eyes again, "Are you sad?"

Cat, never loosing sight of the boy's own eyes, she answered, "I am Joe, I'm sad but...soon I'll be better, believe me." she assured him, trying to grin.

"You...you want to be alone?" Joe's voice was calm but sad. "I can go now… if you don't _want_ me here---"

"No!... You don't bother me, in fact, your company is making me feel better." Catherine didn't want the boy to feel guilty for asking how she was feeling, she knew Joe had the best intentions. And she was saying the truth… Joe's presence was giving her a little peace, thing she was needing. Too many emotions mixed made Catherine cry again.

Joe was watching how his friend was breaking in tears, which made him tear up a little as well, he quikly brushed his eyes with his wrist. Cat noticed this fast and tried to calm the boy by cupping his tiny face with her hands and kissing his forehead. "No, please my darling...don't cry you too." she told him, drying his cheeks with her finger.

"I'm _not_ crying…" Joe protested.

"It's ok sweety, is ok to cry sometimes." Cat sniffed.

Joe wipped his nose and talked again, "You know what, Catherine?"

"What little one?"

"I have a mom, and I love her… but… I also love you… because… you're like a _mom_ to me too." Joe smiled sincerely.

_"Oh!"_ Catherine couldn't hold it anymore, she took the child in her arms and hugged him tight. Her sobs became loud but she and Joe didn't mind. Catherine started to rock the kid while they were so united in their embrace, then, she whispered, "I love you too, my boy, so _very_ much!".

"I love you Cat…" Joe sniffed, hugging Catherine with all the affection in the world.

~~**\----------------------------------------------------**~~

Holt was waiting outside his cart, his back leaning on the wooden doors and his hat on his hand. Until he heard a familiar voice coming from afar.

"Holt!". It was Ivan, walking towards the cowboy, grabbing Milly by the hand. When the little girl saw her father she gently let go of Ivan's hold and ran to her dad, she gave him a big hug and Holt kissed the top of her head.

"Sorry for keeping your daughter this late, we've lost track of time---" Ivan confessed but Holt cut him off.

"Ivan, don't worry, if Milly was with ya, there's nothing I should worry about." the rider said to the magician, "You know I would trust you with my life." 

With that Ivan sighed and smiled in relief, "Thank you Holt...it means a lot _amigo_."

"And you young lady, time to go to bed, c'mon is 1:10 am. Is _super_ late, c'mon!" Holt patted Milly's back.

"I'm going daddy," before Milly headed inside with her mother, she returned to Ivan's side asking him to bent down with her hand.

Ivan obeyed a bit puzzled, "What is it _chiquita?"_

Milly kissed the magician's cheek and smiled at him, "Goodnight, Ivan, sleep well" she stepped back and kissed her dad too. Holt grined at his daughter's sweet gesture, especially for Ivan.

"You too, Milly." Ivan waved at the Farrier girl, biting his lip to repress a sob from joy.

Holt sighed looking at his friend, "Ok, now I'll go to find Joe---".

"Here he is! I'm bringing him with me." Catherine said running towards Ivan and Holt with Joe in her arms.

"Catherine?!" Holt and Ivan exclaimed at the same time.

The woman handed the boy who was totally asleep to his father. "He fell asleep when we're talking, I've said to him he could stay with me for the night, but then I thought you would be so worried about him, not knowing were he was. So, here he is."

_"Amor mio_ , you should be resting!" Ivan said concerned, grabbing Cat by her waist.

"Ivan, I'm not invalid, _trust_ me, I'm ok" she rolled her eyes at her husband.

"But he's right Catherine, you should rest," Holt responded with Joe in his arms, "in fact, _everyone_ needs to rest now. Goodnight my friends." he smiled at them.

Ivan and Catherine smiled back at him, then the magician's assistant caressed Joe's head, "Goodnight Holt, and goodnight to you little one." she whispered.

Holt turned around and headed back to his family. The spanish-american duo did the same by returning to their tent, Ivan circling with his arm Cat's waist while she rested her head on his chest, closing her eyes.

~~**\--------------------------------------------------------**~~

Catherine and Ivan entered inside their tent and closed its entrance. Cat sat on the edge of the bed sighing, looking at her tired husband closing the carp's entrance and how he stood up to look at her. Their glances were connected as soon as they looked at eachother, all the emotions that they've been through were like an ax to their hearts, they didn't want to talk about the subject it will only make their souls feel more disgraced. Still, they _had_ to face the truth, but at least, they didn't have to do it alone, their friends, their family will be there for them, no matter how hard the pain could be.

Ivan reached his wife, he stood in front of her who was still sitting on her bed; the spanish man stared at Catherine's tender eyes, those brown eyes which make his heart beat despite the sad situation they were in. Suddenly, Ivan fell to his knees, rested his hands on Cat's lap, he glanced somewhere else believing that if he kept staring at her beautiful eyes would make him to feel even more guilty. He slowly lunged himself forward and hugged her thighs, rested his head on her lap, his hands on the sides of her hips. That was the _only_ thing the magician could do, giving comfort to his wife.

Cat looked down at her partner smilig, she passed her fingers through his hair with her left hand and with her right one caressed his left arm. All of the sudden, Catherine leaned herself down and hugged her husband who she swore she heard him cry very quietly, she decided to caress his back and kiss his head. 

_"Shhh_ , don't cry my love…" Catherine told to her husband still caressing his back, "this wasn't your foult, it was mine---"

"No." Ivan rised himself carefully to look at the pretty brown eyes of the woman he rested his head on her lap, "Don't you ever say that again, it wasn't _your_ foult, it wasn't _my_ foult...it was an _accident_...a tragedy…" the spanish man sniffed loudly, his voice was shaking in each word he said but he meant all of them.

"Ivan---" Catherine tried to justify herself.

"Listen to me, _amor_ _mio,"_ Ivan interrupted her once again, "we've lost another baby today... and... like I said, it was a tragedy, a _horrible_ tragedy. These are things that… we cannot control as much as we want to." the magician cupped Cat's cheek.

The woman sighed, with her eyes looking down then at her husband, "I _know_ my dear, is just… I still thinking of what _could've_ happened if...if...if," Catherine sobbed a tiny bit, "I'm sorry… I shouldn't think of this… believing I was about to be a mom… I'm not meant to be one… I'm… just...not meant to be!". she cried covering her face with her hands.

Ivan desperately grabbed Catherine's shoulders, his tears were as wild as hers, _"Don't_ say that! Please do not say that _mi_ _amor!_ You are _born_ to be a _mamá_ , you are destined to became one. You would be the most sweet, funny and caring mother in the world Cat!" Ivan confessed with a burning passion, "And, with all modesty, I think, no, I _believe_ that I would be a great _papá_. This is not a punishment _mi_ _adorada_ , is just an injustice and... it could happen to _anyone_ , not just us."

Catherine uncovered her face from her palms, only to using them to cup Ivan's own face. Her sobs faded a little and she leaned her head to his, making their foreheads touch, the couple closed their eyes and the only sound that was between them was their breaths. Catherine tried to calm her cries while Ivan grabbed her nape to make their foreheads still stick to one another more tightly. Suddenly, Ivan spoke again.

_"Amor de mi vida, te amo con todo mi corazón que te pertenece,_ I'll never, _never_ , leave you alone, you're everything I have in my life" Ivan passionately responded to Catherine, with his eyes still closed, "You're _everything_ I need."

"Even… if I can't give you a child, the thing we wished since the day we met…" Cat said with bittersweetness; she was still upset, rightfully so, but she wanted to move on like her husband was trying to at the moment.

Ivan gently moved away from his partner and smiled at her, drying her tears with his thumb, "I _love_ you, Cat. Do you think I'll stop loving you because we can't have children? Nothing, absolutely _nothing_ , will make me to stop loving you _mi_ _amor_ , you didn't get pregnant to give _me_ a child, you get pregnant because _both_ wanted a child, the two of us, we both wanted this! So, if you think that you disappointed me that's _not_ true. When you fainted I was worried about the baby but I was also worried about you! Losing a baby is awful, but… if I had lost _you_ too… I wouldn't know what to do..." he weeped.

"My love, please don't cry." Catherine held Ivan's head to make eye contact. "You'll never loose me, I'm here, I'll always be here." she wipped away the spanish man's teardrops, "I love you too, more than anything and I'll be always by your side. I can't breathe if you're not with me, the last thing I ever want to lose is you!... Will you stay with me till the end? Through the good and the bad times, like this one, you'll _stay_ with me till the end?" Catherine declared to him.

_"Mi amor..."_ Ivan gently rose up from his knees, leaned his right hand on the bed's edge and his face closer to Catherine's, his smile of emotion, of joy grew widely. "... _of course_ I will stay with you, _eres mi sol eterno, mi razón de vivir, tú... eres mi vida, mi Catalina."_ All of the sudden, Ivan kissed passionately Cat on the lips, their mouths locked perfectly with eachother, his hand cupped Catherine's face as he leaned forward more and more.

Their kiss became more deep as Ivan leaned his body on top of Catherine's, while she leaned her back until it layed on the bed. Their bodies entwined and their hands held strongly, they didn't want to let go of the other, they feared to lose the other if they moved appart. Ivan broke the kiss and opened his eyes, Cat did the same and their breaths became synchronized; the couple nuzzled eachother slowly, giggling a bit.

"I love you, Ivan" Cat said smiling sincerely at her dear husband.

"And I love you, _mi sol eterno."_ Ivan kissed her againg, with more desire than before and his hands caressing her body gingerly.

They were together and together they'll remain that night and for the rest of their lives, despite the awful news they'd received, the other's company is all what they had left and all they needed in that time. Their love is what is keeping them alive in the first place, and they'll never replace it for anything, not even for a dream, since being together, _is_ already a dream come true.


End file.
